Superman, Sundaes, and Sunscreen for Albinos
I've just recently come to terms with the fact that my entire summer personality is just SPF in human form. In summer, some people live for beach trips, barbecues, and taking 87 pictures of their feet in the sand next to someone else's feet in the sand. Caption: #GuessTheCelebrityToe. Not this guy. I live for the lotion aisle at the drugstore, where I go to compare numbers like I'm negotiating for the best mortgage rate. SPF 30? Weak. SPF 50? Participation trophy for future sunburn. SPF 100? That's the one I'm looking for, but I'm still going to squint at it like the bottle contains the hidden secrets to cracking an ancient mystery about what really happened to the Aztecs. Hint: The sun got 'em. I don't tan. In fact, I only have two different tones to my skin at any time of year. And there's no in-between. I go from "pale winter corpse" to "emergency room lobster boil" in record time. Superman might get his powers from the sun,...