New Coke: The Beverage That Asked "What if Failure Had Bubbles?" - The 80's #4

 The Day Marketing Took a Dump

In 1985, Coca-Cola was wildly successful.

The company made tons of money each quarter and their product was beloved by millions around the globe.

And some executive looked at the numbers and said, "Yeah, but we oughta go full-on bat doo-doo crazy and hit the panic button anyway." Probably because he only had one yacht and drove a Ferrari instead of a Lambo.

Thus, New Coke was born. Unleashed on an unsuspecting world by a boardroom full of suits who weren't happy just being bajillionaires. They'd clearly been drinking their own Coke Kool-Aid for far too long.

Several things went cattywampus in this comedy of errors.

• First off, soda is soda, not a corporate chemistry experiment. However, somebody shared a power point...
• This led to charts and graphs with no solid informational proof being drawn up and nodded at because it had pretty colours.
• And finally, some dude named Gary said, "Consumers crave change," and nobody had the good sense to stop him.
• Darn it, Gary.

America's Reaction Was Swift and Unhinged

People started hoarding original Coke like it was canned air in a nuclear winter.

Hotline numbers were flooded.

Protest letters were written by hand. Because, well, it was the 80's and we had both the time and the unjustified rage left over from disco.

It was less "new flavour" and more:

YOU REPLACED MY CHILDHOOD WITH DIET HORSE PEE, YOU DOOFI

(Yes, doofi is the correct plural form of doofus. I know, I invented it. Just now,)

New Coke tasted like someone whispered "Pepsi" into a bottle of pomegranate juice in an unwashed whiskey glass that was now growing blue fur. It was bad. And wrong. So, so wrong. Like using lemon juice as eyedrops.

But the corporate backpedaling was a thing of beauty.

Coca-Cola reversed course faster than I do when I realize my wife WAS actually giving me the proper directions and set about branding the original as "Coca-Cola Classic."

Which was conglomerate speak for, "We're sorry we tried to collectively gag the world with a spoon. Please continue sending us your money."

Just because you can change something doesn't mean you should. If it works, let it work.(That same philosophy also applies to ADHD meds.)

Sometimes, changing what people already love will only lead to public humiliation.

With bubbles.